I'll be the one if you want me to
by Allthesestars
Summary: Knowing and hating each other since tender age, Princess Emma and Killian Jones have been betrothed by the desire of the families. But there is struck a deal, if they find someone else to love or, at least, can't stop hating each other before the princess celebrates her 23 birthday, they will be free from the engagement. It's not as easy as it seems.
1. Chapter 1

**_I. The very first words Of a lifelong love letter_**

_He is thirteen and he hates the little princess._

She is eleven and loud and prissy and likes to call him names – she has an especial interest in calling him short because they are the same height- and stick her tongue at him and he doesn't want to marry her when they are older.

At least that's the only thing they agree.

"But mom!" She whines next to him. "I don't want to marry him! He is stiff and stupid and a pain in the ass!"

"Emma!" the Queen's eyes widen comically at her daughters words. His husband muffles a laugh behind her with pride in his eyes. The queen catches him and reprobates him with a severe look. "Who taught you words as such?"

"Killian" she replies looking at him with a deadly glare. Which he reciprocates.

"I never said something like that, and least in front of you." His eyes widen in fear and he looks back at his brother who stands behind him "I swear"

"Oh well, but I've heard you talking with your brother that h_aving to entertain that bloody princess was a pain in the ass. K_nowing you I put two and two together and understood that it wasn't exactly a compliment"

Liam stiffens a laugh behind him.

"You little…"

"Both of you, stop!" Yells the queen graving each other's shoulders with a firm grip but not enough to bruise.

"But, your highness" he replies with a calm demeanor, trying to ignore the need to push the little princess away from him and storm away from the room "your love story is a legend between all the kingdoms. I just don't understand why you would put someone under the despair of an arranged marriage knowing what it entails."

Snow White sighs and answers in a softer and least urgent tone. "You are so young to understand it"

"And we aren't too young to have a fiancé?" replies Emma, nearly growling at her mother.

"Your highness" comes Liam's voices behind him. "I don't want to be impertinent or inconsiderate about the honor you bestowed to my brother and our family, but maybe they are right."

The Queen sighs and gently rubs the bridge of her nose.

"Okay" she looks between the two kids "the engagement will stand still until you both reach the age of twenty three. If you can't tolerate each other then, or you have found someone you deeply love before that date, everything will be cancelled and you are free to marry whoever you want. Understood?"

That's better than being irrevocably forced to marry her, so he nods. Emma looks at him during a few seconds until she nods too. Then she pries away from her mother's hold and storms away without looking back.

He vows at the Queen and King and he goes her same path but without any intention to follow her.

But he is calm, because there is no way in earth that he could befriend her, not saying love her.

At least, he thinks so.

…

_She is twelve and she wants to be a pirate._

She wants to be free, she wants to sail a ship around the world without duties, cares or any attachment. Without someone telling her what to do or how to behave.

Without having to be a princess and learn protocol.

So she storms away from her governess and goes to her hiding spot, a tree near the castle walls which she can climb easily even with a dress. She sits in the highest branches and looks out to the blue deep sea and starts to dream about a better life...

"You are going to fall" comes a voice from below her.

...Until her daily torment appear.

"I'm not going to fall" she replies, rolling her eyes, even if from his place on the ground he can't see it "I'm not like other people with very clumsy hands who couldn't ride a horse"

"Oi! That was five years ago and it was my first try"

"Your only try you meant"

"I can help if that bloody beast was born from the same pit of hell"

"Coward"

"Babbler"

"Idiot"

"You are lucky that I'm a gentleman and I'm not going to keep that banter going."

"Since when you are a gentleman?"

"I am always I gentleman. It's good form."

"I tough you were always an ass"

He sighs. "Could you please come down, your highness?"

"I don't want to."

"Is there any way I can convince you otherwise?"

"No"

She hears him mutter curses under his breath and some rustling of clothes under her, which she ignores and refocuses her attention on the sea…

… until Killian sits beside her.

"What are you doing?" she exclaims startled.

"As you don't wanted to climb down I've had to come here to make sure you don't fall." He replies without looking at her.

"So you care about me now, little sailor?"

"I care about my bloody neck. If something happened to you under my watch your parents will kill me, then the dwarfs, then Liam and then your parents again." He sighs exasperated. "And you and I know that you can't call me little anymore, ugly duckling"

She punches his arm with force enough to bruise even if he is right, in the last year he grew up 15 inches, making him taller than her, and she is still struggling with finding new names to irritate him.

The silence settles between them as the sun starts to set.

"How did you know I was here? No one knows about my secret spot." She whispers.

"I honestly don't know. I just know I can always find you, which I'm starting to think as a curse"

She punches him again.

"Would you please stop?" he yells at her, nursing his now bruised arm "My arm is going to fall off!"

"Prim"

"Tomboy"

"Asshole"

"Oi! That's new!" He replies with a mocking laugh "Who taught you that?"

"I heard it from your brother's companions the other day" she swings her legs over the edge and looks wistfully at the sea. "It must be beautiful out there." He looks at her oddly "You know. The sea, the wind, the adventure, the freedom. I want it."

"Aye. But it's dangerous too, especially for little prissy princess like you." He replies with a smirk and she furrows her eyebrows, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Furthermore, the castle isn't beautiful enough for you?" He replies looking straight at her.

"Even the most beautiful cage is still a prison for the bird."

"Aye, but…"

What he is going to say it's swallowed by her scream as the branch breaks and both of them fall into the void.

Killian puts his arms around her, without a second of hesitation, protecting her the best he can from the solid and hard ground.

She doesn't want neither of them to get hurt. She wishes that something could save them, that something could stop their fall.

Even if she hates him and he is stupid and a know-it-all and infuriating.

She doesn't want him to get hurt.

They never made contact with the ground.

When she opens her eyes, she only sees Killian's shirt and she has to make an effort to look around them because his hand is pressing against her head with such force that it even hurts.

"Jones, look"

They are floating at one meter from the floor by a sparkling blue cloud.

"What the bloody hell is this?"

She looks at him and a shy smile spreads across her lips.

"I think I've just made magic."


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all, thank you for the reviews and all the follows and favorites, it really makes me happy!**

**And for ****Shelllee24**** yes, there is an age gap of two years between them and the limit time is when Emma reaches the age of 23. **

**Hope you like it, and as always, reviews and favorites are really appreciated. **

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**Chapter II: Even the best fall down sometimes (even the stars refuse to shine)**

He is fifteen and he doesn't understand why the world is so unfair.

He looks at the piece of paper in his hand. He reads over and over the same words.

_Liam Jones. Storm. Deceased. _

With the paper crunched in his hands and his jaw tensed, he picks up his sword and starts hitting the straw dummy with all his force and wrath.

He loses the track of time, his palms burn and he thinks they are bleeding, but he doesn't feel the pain anymore.

_He doesn't feel anything._

He barely registers her frantic footsteps entering the stable.

Killian hears over the buzz in his ears the princess saying his name. He sinks his sword into the target center and turns to her.

"What the bloody hell you want?!"

Emma is slightly taken aback by his tone, he can see it in her eyes, but she stands her ground, her head high and her hand fisted in her dress.

She is a royal after all, so she knows how to hold her ground. Otherwise she will be dammed.

"My mother woke me up to tell me the bad news" she replies, her voice getting softer as she speaks. "I'm so sorry"

She takes one step further and he takes a step back.

"You're sorry? You're sorry?!" Killian screams at her. "You bloody royals! This is all your fault! If you didn't sent him in that last journey he would be alive!"

She remains silent.

"And you dare to come here and say you're sorry? **YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOSE THE PERSON YOU LOVE THE MOST. HOW CAN YOU EVEN DARE TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY**?"

He is breathing is heavy, his chests aches and his head hurts.

"Are you done?" Emma finally answers.

He feels like he's got out from a trance, and he finally looks at her.

He now realizes that she is in her nightgown, light blue and not proper enough for wandering around the castle during midnight. She's barefoot and her golden hair is in a messy braid, strands hair falling around her face like a halo. Her eyes a red and puffy, her face pale and her mouth turned down.

Killian just nods at her.

"Okay"

In two long steps she is beside him. Her arms snickers around his middle and she pulls him to her.

"I know I can't properly understand what it feels to lose someone you deeply love" she whispers against his shoulder. "But I'm here for you"

He knows this is barely good form. It's the middle of the night and they are alone without a chaperone, and she is her nightgown and he is only wearing his shirt and a slacks and-

_Screw property. _

_In the end they are still just two kids who used to pull off each other's hair off._

He hugs her back as the first tears falls down, to land on her slightly covered shoulder.

He takes a deep breath and he starts to sob, everything finally catching up on him.

He cries and cries and her hold on him only tightens.

There is a moment when Emma pulls away, when his throat dry and his eyes aching.

Her hand moves from his long hair (when did it move there) to his cheek and she dries the remaining tears with her thumb.

He tries to run his hand up her back but it hurts and he grimaces.

She pulls back to take a good look at them and she just give him a sweet soft smile.

"Come here and sit with me" she whispers, pulling him into the piled straw in the floor.

As they sit, Emma pulls his hands in her lap and closes her eyes.

"Lass…"

She makes him shut up when her own hands star to glow in pure white light.

He has seen her do magic countless times in the last year, time and time again since she saved them from falling and her parents called Regina for tutoring her. Ever since that day, he couldn't stop following her around. From being nearly enemies and hating each other, they slowly became friends. She's always asking about the sea, about distant lands and adventures. He is always watching her.

He's seen her do incredible things, from light a candle to make a dagger materialize in her hands. Regina says she has a gift and Emma is eager to play with it.

He's seen her magic, but he never has been the object of it.

He feels warm, the skin in his palms sewing itself with a comforting buzz that makes his skin tingle.

When the light fades, she still holds his calloused hands with her softer and smaller ones, tracing soft circles with her thumb against the back of his palms.

"I cared about him too, you know?" she whispers, tears starting to fall.

He rest his head in her shoulder.

"I know"

Later, he will wake up wrapped around her, her cheek resting in his shoulder this time, arms around his torso and a blanket tossed over them (some servants? Her parents?)

Later, he would try to disentangle away from her. He will tuck the blanket around her so she doesn't catch a cold. He will pull away the strands of golden hair that cover her beautiful face.

Later, he will leave her to sleep. He'll need to be alone with his thoughts. He'll need to properly mourn his brother.

Later.

Killian feels her shift, her hand combing through his hair in soft caresses, her free hand tangled up in his.

He thinks that her hands are soothing and a deep corner in his mind wonders if she is using magic on him again or it's just _her._

"I'm here" she whispers, snuggling closer.

"I know" he answers.

But for now, he'll rest in her arms.

…

_She is fourteen and she wants to forget about the world._

So she runs, runs as far as her legs can carry her.

She someway ends up where her tree used to be, when they fall, her parents cut it down.

Instead they built stairs until the top of the walls so she can climb them and stare at the sea for hours.

Sometimes she is alone, sometimes her parents or Grumpy come with her.

Sometimes it's Killian, always know it all Killian, stick up in the ass. Sweet adorable Killian.

But this last days it was just _him_ and her, stealing kisses, talking about a future that she now sees will never be real.

She feels her heart bleeding.

"I knew you'll be here" she hears a voice from behind her and she dries the tears from her eyes before turning to face him.

"How?" She whispers.

Killian throws a brilliant smile at her.

"I told you I have this kind of curse that always makes me find you." He replies with a smirk and she gives him a nasty look. "And the earth is still muddy from the rain, so I just followed your footprints."

She rolls her eyes.

_"This boy is going to be the dead for me"_ she thinks

When he approaches her to lean against the wall, giving his back to the sea, she rectifies herself.

Man, not boy.

"Why did you run from us when your mother told you that Lord Gold and his son Baelfire leaved the castle?" He asks, staring at her eyes, probably already worried about how puffy they looked after all the tears.

"If I said that it's nothing, would you believe me and leave me alone?"

"Not bloody likely, lass."

She sights, her shoulders slumping.

"You liked him, didn't you?"

She snorts.

"I wish it was only that"

He arches an eyebrow, encouraging her to keep talking.

"We were… involved." She admits, with flushed cheeks.

He stills beside her.

"Did you… Did he…?"

"No!" she answers, cheeks flushing at his implication as she slaps his arm. "We just kissed!"

_Even if he had wanted to_, she adds internally, but doesn't dare to voice her thoughts aloud.

Killian stares at her, shoulders relaxing but jaw still tense.

"I thought we were… in a relationship. He said we will marry one day, that he'll take me to sail the world in his father's ships." Emma says seconds later, her eyes turning to the dark waters. "But obviously he didn't feel the same way. He didn't even say goodbye"

There is an awkward silence, only filled by the sound of the sea crashing against the castle walls.

"And, obviously, his fiancé didn't either." She finally says with a bitter smile.

She thought that he was it, he was what her parent always talked about.

Her happy ending, her chance of true love.

But she just has been used

"He is a bloody idiot and a bastard." He spits like he has venom in his mouth. "He doesn't even deserve you thinking about him."

"I know, but it's hard." she whispers. "How can you make a broken heart beat again?"

She feels his hand covering hers where it's resting in the stone wall.

"If it can be broken, it means it still works." Killian whispers, the seriousness on his voice and the intense look in his blue icy eyes astounding her.

They stare at each other.

Years, months, days, minutes, seconds.

Too overwhelmed, she breaks their connection, pulling her hand away, tucking some strands that have felt from her bun and laughs.

"This feels weird" she laughs, her hip bumping into his, giving him playful shove.

"What? Talking with me, your fiancé, about your love life that doesn't remotely involve me?" he replies, with a smirk across her face.

"Nonexistent love life from now on" she says with a sad smile. "I'm quitting, I renounce to search for my _one true love_. You're stuck with me, sailor"

He doesn't answer her, and for a moment she is afraid that he has really find someone. After all she heard in the kitchens that some of the maids had seen her flirting with a brunette that worked down the docks.

He runs one hand through his hair, pulled up in that stupid pony tail that always irked her.

"You know" he says not looking at her "even if you aren't my first option in people who I want to wed, I learned to care about you."

"Oh, really?"

"Aye. We are friends. Right?"

She smiles at him, her heart not hurting so much right now.

"Right"

If her eyes grace down to his lips she is not going to admit it. Not in a thousand years.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III: Say something I'm giving up on you (I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you)**

He is seventeen and it's her birthday.

Well, yesterday was her birthday.

She was turning fifteen and her parent organized a big great ball for all the Enchanted Forest to attend. Everyone was excited to go.

Except her.

They practically had to drag her to the ball with the promise that she could spend the next night doing whichever she wanted, with certain restrictions.

She choose going into a tavern and her parents accepted with the condition that he went with her. She spent all the ball practically dangling from his arm, making him those puppy eyes that could bring him to his knees until he gave him a sloppy kiss on his cheek, and seriously, she had him so wrapped in her little finger that it wasn't funny anymore.

Even that, he thinks he has to thank the gods for this chance, even if she was a vision in the red dress she wore yesterday, dressed with a peasant dress from one of her maids, golden halo of hair framing her face, she is just beautiful.

"I want to drink something" she says, leaning on the table they share in a secluded corner of the tavern. It's cozy place, with sailors and farmers and merchants drinking and forgetting the hard days of work. Some of them even brought some instruments to play them as some woman dance to the happy rhythm and lure the more drunkard men to join them like sirens.

"Not bloody likely" he says, looking straight at her. "Your parents may decapitate me if they found that I've let you drink. Or worst, they'll kick me out of the navy."

"C'mon, Killian. It's my birthday. And what's the fun in going into a tavern and not drinking!"

"Yesterday was your birthday." He corrects her, sending her a disapproving look that she answers with a pout. "And we could dance or play some cards with some of those sailors, I worked with a few of them before…"

"Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee" she interrupts him.

_Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't-_

Bloody hell, she is making puppy eyes at him.

"Just one ale" he finally accedes and she smiles at him and calls for the bar maid.

He doesn't drink more than an ale thought, but he lets her drink a little more because she will never forgive him otherwise.

But he has to be at least a little more sober than her, he will never forgave himself if something happened to her in his watch and because of his fault.

Now that he thinks, he hasn't drink since Liam's first birthday after his dead. He was just sixteen and alone, Emma and her parents where in a diplomatic visits to Queen Aurora and King Philip's kingdom, so the only option he could fathom to ease the pain was to drown his tears in cheap alcohol.

What he didn't expect was that at some point between his second and six ale a pretty bar wench, way older than him, with beautiful blue eyes and chestnut hair would sit in his lap, singing to him like a siren and luring him into her bedchambers where they'd slept together.

When he woke up the next morning, who knows why, he thought her hair was blond with the first's rays of sun and that strangely made him feel content.

Her name was Milah, he learned that same morning as they got dressed.

He did come back to her after that, several times. They started some kind of dalliance. Killain knew from the first second it wouldn't be true love, he'd heard too many times Emma's parents' story to be able to recognize it. The looks, the care, the muted words, the touch.

He cared about her, a lot. She was a bright spot in his life after all the darkness in his past. He may have even loved her at some point.

She always talked about adventures and distant lands, making him remember of a 12 years old girl who dreamed about the sea on the tallest branches of a tree.

He promised her he would save enough money to buy his own ship and he'll take her everywhere she wanted to.

But things weren't meant to be.

A couple of months ago, she'd leaved in a pirate ship. She came to him for a last goodbye, with tears in her eyes and a last kiss on his lips.

It hurt, but he really did understand her.

Milah was a free bird, an untamed spirit. She could have lived with a simple naval officer obsessed with good form until the rest of her days, but he knew that that wouldn't have made her truly happy.

And he wasn't one to take away a woman's happy ending for his own sake.

So he'd let her go.

He is pulled out from his daydream when he hears her princess joyous laugh and she finishes another glass of alcohol.

Under the hood she is wearing to disguise herself, Killian can see her rosy cheeks rosy, her lips red and her eyes brilliant from the alcohol she drank. She starts to discard herself of the cloak, too hot now for wearing it. Luckily, everyone is too drunk at this moment to recognize the princess.

_Too hot_, he thinks now, seeing how her peasant dress hugs every curve he didn't know she had and makes him realize that Emma is no longer a child, or an ugly duckling, as his old self may have said.

_She is a beautiful young woman._

She stands up and moves to him, giggling and with a determined look on her face.

"C'mon Lieutenant" she says with a certain mocking tone at his new title, words slurred thanks to all the ale she just drink, her hands anchoring in his biceps for support. "You promised me a dance"

He doubts for a second, but before he has time to answer, her hands move to his, pulling him into the middle of the tavern.

She starts jumping and twirling around him, coping the sailors and wenches that have been dancing for a while now. When a drunken bastard makes a move to grave her by the ass, he steps in, taking her hands in his.

They are pressed from head to toe, to close to be good form.

He thinks her eyes flicker to his mouth and suddenly it's hard to breathe.

He starts to sway them with the rhythm of the music around the room, twirling her in his arms as angelic giggles escape from her lips and hit him straight in his heart.

It's the most happy and carefree he's seen her since the Neal incident.

After what seemed like hours of dancing, the exercise having sobered them up a little, they found themselves finally leaving the tavern still hours before dawn. He had to roll up his sleeves, jacket long forgotten to sit on Emma's shoulders seeing that the cold breeze made her shiver.

"I don't want to go home yet" she says breaking the silence, her arm intertwining with his and he has to take a deep breath. "Show me the world, Jones!"

"I think it's a little late for that, love" he chuckles and-_bloody hell, puppy eyes again_. "But I think I can do something"

Her smile makes everything worthy.

.

.

.

"Where are you taking me?" she says, arms extended in front of her, afraid she is going to crash into something.

"I'm not going to let you fall, Emma. Lower your arms." He answers her, his hands covering her eyes as he guides her through the woods. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you" she replies, slightly offended, "what I don't trust is that there isn't any rock or branch that can make me fall."

"It's not my fault the princess was born with two left feet" he mocks her.

"I think I just showed you how my coordination is perfectly fine, Jones"

He knows he doesn't mean it _that way_, but he stumbles for a moment.

"Look who has two left feet-"

"Shhhh." He answers her. "Keep quiet, you are going to scare them."

"Who?" Emma ask curiously.

"Them" Killian says as he pulls his hands away.

He feels her take a deep breath as she takes on the sight in front of her.

Hundreds, thousands of fireflies dance around them in the top of the hill, a perfect view of her kingdom and the sea right in front of them.

Once upon a time he heard a very much drunk Grumpy talk about this place, how it was the most beautiful sigh he ever saw. He always thought that he wasn't exactly talking about the view.

Seeing Emma's face he understands why.

Her pink lips are parted and curved in an amazed smile, her green eyes shining with the fireflies' lights, giving them an enchanted glow. Her golden hair is even brighten than the moon.

"Killian… this is…"

"Beautiful? I know."

Oh, how little is he talking about the view.

He is taken by surprise when her arms wind around his neck, but he doesn't hesitate a second to hug her back and sink his face in her hair.

Even after this night, she smells like cocoa, and lavender and _Emma._

She pulls back, her hands curling in the lapels of his shirt, a shy smile on her lips.

"Thank you" she whispers. "Never someone has done something like this for me"

"I'll do it every single time again."

Her eyelashes flutter and if he only leaned down just a little…

A bunch of fireflies go around her, pulling her away from him, but her hand has taken his as the little bugs tickle her.

And everything suddenly makes sense.

Looking at Emma, fireflies dancing around her, he now understand why his relationship with Milah was never meant to be.

_How can you be with someone when you are already in love with another woman?_

She laughs and looks at him, the fireflies forming a tiara in her hair, and the only thing he wants to do right now is pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless until the night becomes day. Until his last day and the world ends.

But he can't.

She is the same as Milah. She is a bird, _a swan_, ready to spread her wing and fly away and see the world on her own.

He can't tie her down for his selfish desires.

So he lets go of her hand and watches her enjoy the last hours of her night.

What he doesn't see is the sad look in her eyes when his hand leaves hers.

…

She is sixteen and she doesn't want to say goodbye.

Her parents chat during the carriage drive from their castle to the docks, where the Jewel of the realm is ready to sail.

And not come back until a year and six months from now.

She occasionally answers with a quick nod the casual questions of her mother (she knows she is trying to cheer her up, she really knows and appreciates it) but her mind drifts to her now lieutenant and how she screamed at him.

He came into her bedroom a week ago in the last hours of the afternoon, the sky tinted in shades of pink and orange as she reads a book of poetry she found hidden in the library. When she read the first poem, she instantly felt in love with it.

She is rereading it for the hundred time when she hears someone knocking.

"Come in" she says, voice calm as she stands up, leaving the book in the chair.

Killian Jones sneaks in her room with a solemn expression and she doesn't like it.

She walks, runs to him and when she is going to take her friend hands he takes a step away.

He has been like that for months, since he'd take her to see the fireflies. Distant, sad. She cornered him so many times but she never really got a proper answers.

"What happened?" She asks as she folds her hands in front of her, like she has been burned.

"I'm leaving on a mission"

She releases the breath she's been holding.

"That's it? God, Killian, you scared me." She answers with a smile on her lips. "How long this time? Two? Three months?"

He doesn't even look at her as he says the words.

"One year and six months"

"What?" She feels her heart stop. "And when are you leaving?"

"In three days." He takes a deep breath. "I choose it"

"Why? What it's so horrible here that you want to leave?"

He chuckles with a humorless laugh and tries to evade her eyes.

"Because it's for the best. You'll understand."

There is a long silence and then she hits him square in the chest.

"I thought you cared! I thought you were my friend" She screams with rage.

"Emma, I..."

"Get out!" She screams with rage. "Get out! Leave!"

He just nods at her and disappears as quickly as he came.

Her legs give up as she falls into the floor. He's leaving her and that makes her heart ache.

The carriage bumps and she is pulled out from her thoughts just in time to hear her father asking her for the sword fighting lessons.

"Good" she mutters as her mother throws her a knowing look.

.

.

.

It's still early in the morning when they arrive to the docks, where the Jewel of the real stands proudly amount merchant and naval ships.

She always thought it was a beautiful ship.

Now she hates it.

There is a cold air that chills her bones as she stays next to their carriage while her parent's talks to the ship captain's.

After all this years, it still feels weird to her not to see the blue eyed captain with an easy smile in that place.

She tries to get warm herself rubbing her palms over her arms. Who thought it was a good idea to wear a short sleeved dress today?

It may be one of her prettiest dresses. It's light blue, like the sky at the first our in the morning, with little jewels sewed into the bodice and the skirts, just in all right places. It's not as pompous as her ballroom dresses, the skirts falls around her waist in a simple way that reminds her of some of the dresses she's seen her people wear when she snickers into the market unguarded well not unguarded he always follows her wherever she goes but she is not thinking about him.

She doesn't want to see him, she doesn't care what he thinks anymore

He is leaving her at his own will, after all.

She doesn't see him either way, he is probably hiding in the ship, the coward.

"Good morning, princess" A too familiar voice says at her right. "I thought you wouldn't come"

She jumps, her heart beating to fast because the damned man is silent like a cat and he scared her. She takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the thousand thoughts that run wild on her head.

"I didn't want to come" she replies not looking at him, finding a new interest on her shoes. "But… princess duties."

He nods, because he understands. She can't count with her hands how many hours she spent in the garden with him, laying on the grass and eating sweets they sneaked from the kitchen as she complained about having to handle stick up in the ass princes and lords, or having to endure etiquette classes.

"Look… I'm sorry" his words pick up her interest, making her raise her head to finally look at his baby blues eyes. "I shouldn't have acted like that"

"Yeah, you shouldn't"

"Emma I… you may not believe me now, but this is for the best."

"What is for the best?" she replies with an angry whisper. "You leaving me? You probably never coming back?" her voice breaks slightly. God, she is not going to cry. "You are my best friend Killian, you've been for so many my years the only person I could truly rely on. Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I'm trying to do the right thing!" he replies in the same tone.

"I'm sorry if you think like that because I need you and I don't want you to go!" she barks and she has the urge to clasp her hands over her mouth.

She feels like she could cut the silence between them with a knife.

Suddenly she is pressed against his warm chest and she doesn't doubt for a second to hug him back.

God, how she missed his hugs.

"I'm so sorry Emma." He whispers against her hair. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay now." Emma says, voice muffled against his shirt. "As long as you come back"

"I'll always come back for you." He kisses the top of her head as his arms struggle to leave her middle.

When they finally pull away, she gives him a crooked smile.

"I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you too, Swan"

She really laughs at that.

"Swan? I'm not an ugly duckling anymore?"

"You are no longer a duckling. And you were never ugly."

His captain is calling for him, and he takes her hand to press his lips into her knuckles, making her blush.

"See you soon, my princess."

"See you soon, Lieutenant." She answers reaching for his hat that has been crocked.

He gives her one last nod with his head and starts walking to the gangplank to aboard the ship.

"Wait!" she says, running after him. "Take this" Emma takes from her cloak her poetry book, putting it in his hands.

He knows what book is, how much she loves it.

He'll probably understand why she loved it so much.

"Thank you" Killian says, leaving a last kiss in her hair before finally embarking into the Jewel.

When the ship finally leaves port, she stays in the docks until the Jewel is nothing more than a dot in the horizon tinted with the vibrant colors of the sunset.

She's been sitting in a wooden box for hours staring at the ocean when a familiar hand squeezes her shoulders.

She feels her mother sitting beside her, and she barely hears their servants gasping at the idea of the queen ruining her dress with the dirt of the docks.

_Like mother like daughter._

Emma rest her head on Snow's shoulder, her mother gently caressing her hair.

After what feel like an eternity, when the sky is full of stars, her mother finally talks to her.

"We should head back, honey." Snow whispers, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

_Right there Killian kissed her hours ago. _

"But…"

"He'll come back to you soon, Emma" Her mother cuts her with a knowing smile.

She is about to reply, they are just friends, he'll just come back, he'll not come back _for her._

And when that thought makes her sad, she realizes that what she is trying to evade since she was eleven years old finally happened.

"You always knew everything would lead to this, right mom?" Emma says as she snuggles next to her mother, her arms coming to hug her.

"Of course, sweetheart, I always had a knack for this kind of things."

She is sixteen and she is in love with his best friend and fiancé.

And she isn't going to hear about him in a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay my lovelies. I promise you the next chapter will be posted whitin a week, and it will be longer. **

_**Chapter IV: We were caught up and lost in all of our vices (In your pose as the dust settles around u**_s)

He is nineteen and he is having a nightmare.

He feels the burn again, the piercing metal of the arrow tearing the skin of his hand and sinking on the muscle until it touches the bone. He feels the poison start to travel in his veins and he has the urge to scream.

Suddenly his hand isn't there, the pain magnified as he sees dark blood come out from his wrist.

He hears his men scream, suffering a similar pain like him. But he can't move, he can't barely breathe.

"Killian"

He sees her, he appears in his dreams, day after day to torture him in all her glory.

She is always wearing a wedding dress, her golden hair free from any hold flowing against a nonexistent wind. He wants to call her name, he want her to kneel beside him and help him. He wants to be with her.

Her eyes widen as a silent scream leaves her mouth and he sees the pointy end of a sword in her stomach, her white dress stained with red.

The black vines start to cover her skin, and horrified expression taking her features.

And then she breaks like she is made from glass and the only thing he can do is whisper her name.

_Emma. _

He wakes up shirtless in his bunk, covered in sweat. He raises his hand and stump to his face to pull away the hair that is covering his eyes, he thinks it's time to cut it.

It was just a dream.

She is safe in the castle, far away from him.

At least he hopes so, he hadn't had any news from her since he jumped realms to realize later he will never come back.

He falls back into the bed with an exasperate sigh.

.

.

.

As he starts to bark orders to his now crew everyday less men, every day with less hope of going home he can help but remember everything he's done, everything that led him to this alley without exit.

It's been a year since he left the kingdom. And it's been 4 months since they had to cut his hand because if they didn't he would had died.

It's been 3 months since their captain betrayed them for eternal life and riches, escaping with their magic bean, even before he jumped he sank his dagger into his back. He really hopes that the bastard is dead.

"Mr. Smee!" Killian screams and a couple of second later a chubby man with a red cap appears in front of him.

It was a surprise when they found more men in that bloody island. Men and women who were greedy and searched for gold and eternal youth to find their end in the hands of prepubescent demon.

He found Mr. Smee nearly in the doors of dead, abandoned by his own near the mermaid lagoon.

He never thought he could find such and ally in a man like that.

"Yes, captain?"

"I need you to take the helm until the sun sets down, then we will strike." He whispers harshly, afraid that someone hears them.

Peter Pan has eyes and ears and everywhere.

"And what are you going to do until then, captain?"

He stares back at him, his icy blue eyes burning holes through him.

"Last thing I remember, I'm the captain" he touches his chin with the pointy edge of his hook, but not enough to draw blood. "And if you know what is good for your life, you'll better don't forget that and leave my matters to the only person who cares about them. Me. Understood?"

"Aye, captain."

He turns around, descending the stairs to the captain's cabin his cabin closing it behind him.

Killian sits down on his desk, his hand automatically going to his flask and takes a long sip of rum, the liquor burning down his throat.

He thinks how Liam would have disapproved his attitude as captain. He would have probably have scolded him and gave him a sermon about how, as a captain, you don't rule your men but you work with them. How you don't show them to fear you, but to respect you.

At the end it didn't work well for his brother.

And least for him.

He stills remembers King David and Queen Snow asking him and his captain to go to this eternal land, to search the origin of the deadly poison that was killing their soldiers in the front lines so they could elaborate and antidote.

In theory, it was an easy, as long, mission. First they'll search for the magic beans that the kingdom spies had discovered in a far and distant land. Then in and out.

They never counted that their captain was a spy from their enemies and he used the last magic bean to scape, leaving them to the poisonous arrows of the lost boys.

He hits the desk as hard as he can with his hook, burying it in the wood, a stack of paper neatly folded on his desk falls to the ground.

He falls down to his knees to pick up the scattered letters and the beautiful calligraphy of his princess accuses him from the white paper.

He wrote her every day he could, more often than not, filling her with mundane things and describing her the foreign lands he'd been, the people, the feelings. Everything.

And he told her how he bloody missed her every day and how everything he did remembered of her.

She did the same. Explaining him the boring days at courts with balls and gross lords. Making promises of sailing together and riding through the forest.

Lately Killian only has nightmares, of losing her somewhere where he couldn't find her again. But from time to time, her promises come true in his dreams. He dreams of dancing with her barefoot in the midst of the forest, of kissing her as they sink in the waters near the shoreline, her lips sending him life straight to his heart.

In fact, those are the worst dreams. When he wakes up from a nightmare, he has the relief that she is safe some place miles away from him.

When he wakes up from those dreams, he wakes up to an empty heart and tears in his eyes because they aren't true. They aren't even memories to hold onto.

Just sand slipping through his fingers.

He finds the last letter she send him, before he went through the portal, before their captain betrayed them, before he nearly lost hope.

Killian has read it a thousand times, the ink starting to fade away for many times he touched the letter, as if somehow it would make her come to life in front of him.

_Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) _

_And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart _

_You carry my heart _

_And I hope I carry yours. _

.

.

.

He doesn't know when he felt sleep, but he's suddenly waken by someone knocking at his door.

He stands up and opens the door to find a nervous Mr. Smee.

"Everything is ready"

He smiles for the first time in what feels for centuries.

"Then let's get home, Mr. Smee" he says with a joyous laugh.

As he climbs the stairs and practically flies through his ship, he can only think about one thing.

"I'm coming home to you, Swan."

…

She is eighteen and the bastard punched her in the nose.

She dries the blood with the back of her hand after rolling onto the ground to evade the sword of his attacker.

When she tries to run away, he catches her leg, turning her on her back, his dagger pressing against her neck.

"Well, well, what we have here" he says with a mischievous laugh. He pulls away her hood and his mouth falls and his eyes widen.

"You are a girl"

She hits him square in the groin and when the pirate doubles over himself she throws him a blast of magic that makes him go unconscious.

"Woman." She answers, standing up and wiping the blood and dirt from her face.

It's not until he ties him to a three that she lets herself relax.

She waits a couple of minutes, sitting in a fallen tree, her hand closing around the charm around her neck.

It's been so many years, so many lonely nights crying. For him.

_"__My dear Emma,_

_I hope that this little token I've found in the dusty markets of Agrabah helps to express everything I cannot fathom into ink._

_Yours, _

_Killian Jones"_

Her hands caress slowly the necklace that hangs from her neck, fingertips tracing the fine calligraphy engraved on the silver.

_My whole heart is yours forever, as your is mine. _

But it was late, too late.

She hears a groan and stands up, walking to the man tied to the tree like an animal to its prey.

"Well, Blackbeard" she starts, holding a dagger close to his throat. "Were is the prince?"

…

She goes at the local tavern that day, and as it's too far away from her kingdom she goes without her hood, not afraid that someone may recognize her.

She sits down and order an ale, waiting.

She'd done this since she run away, since the pressure was too hard to deal with it. Since she felt her heart die along with him.

_"__Emma you cannot do this" comes her mother demand as she ties the knot of her blue cape and pulls her blond hair out._

_"__I think I perfectly can" she whispers harshly as she caresses her mare's neck. _

_"__Emma, please"_

_"__Please what? I can't do this no more mom!" she screams at her, turning to face her, her hair swirling around her like a golden halo. "I cannot stay at the castle trying to live like nothing happened, crying myself at night wishing that I could go back in time to save him! I cannot deal with another empty headed royal that the council sends to me to choose as my future husband!"_

_She grows quiet, her hands clenching in a fist, her nails digging into her skin. _

_"__I cannot stay put knowing that the one handed pirate that killed him is still free." She whispers, eyes fixed into her shoes. _

_She feels her mother embrace and before she knows it, the first tears are starting to fall and land into her mother's shoulder._

_"__Emma, revenge will not give him back." She whispers quietly. "Believe me, I know"_

_"__I know mom, but I need some sort of closure, if I put an end to that bastard, I could finally let him go."_

_Snow pulls away, keeping her hands on her daughter's shoulders._

_"__Are you sure?"_

_She barely nods. _

_"__Mom, I promise you I'll come back and I'll marry however the council wants"_

_"__I don't care about the council" Snow replies. "I only care about you and your happiness. I always have, you know that."_

_Emma smiles weakly at her._

_"__I know." She gives her a last hug. "Goodbye mom."_

_"__Goodbye my darling." She whispers. "Did you tell your father about this?"_

_Emma takes a step back and mounts her mare. _

_"__Who do you think that gave me the idea?" _

_"__You and your father's tunnel vision." She sighs exhausted. "Just come back"_

_"__I will."_

_And with that she is gone. _

She spots a man with honey colored hair and strong jaw. He is handsome, but not as much as him. No one is like him.

She send him a sultry look in his direction and is matter of minutes until they are stumbling onto one of the rooms of the inn next to the tavern, clothes fumbling and lips biting.

It's short and hard, but it's enough to satisfy the urge of a body next to her to ease the pain.

When he is asleep, she puts her clothes again hastily and leaves the room.

As she makes a quick walk across the darkened streets to the ship that will take her first thing in the morning to her next destination, she can't help but think about the last verse of a poem so long lost to her, the same way as he is now.

_And I'd choose you; _  
_in a hundred lifetimes, _  
_in a hundred worlds, _  
_in any version of reality, _  
_I'd find you and I'd choose you."_

How blind she was.

**PS. Poems from E.E Cummings and Kiersten White. **


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for taking so long. But here it is, extra fuffy and extra long.

**Chapter V: We are not perfect, we'll learn from our mistakes and as long as it takes I will prove my love to you**

He is twenty one and he is finally back.

A month ago he got his hand on a magic bean and he couldn't wait to finally come home. He was surprised to find out when he first made step on the first town that the royals he one served had put price to his head for piracy. Well, not his head, but "Captain Hook"'s head. He wonders who made up such a lame name.

He's been searching through the kingdom, the rumors of the princess having run away years ago, while trying to keep a low profile.

But it seems that bounty hunters are quite good this days.

Killian says goodbye to the wench, who runs away from him with the money he just gave her.

He cannot think about other woman.

He pulls his hood over his head and starts walking to the inn to get a good night of sle-

Something hits him in the head and he falls face first into the ground.

He feels a hand rolling him and the coolness of steel pressing against his throat, his face still covered.

"Move and I'll cut your throat" comes a feminine voice over him, muffled by the buzzing in his ears and the pain on his head.

"You shouldn't have done that love, I guess you don't know who I am."

She grabs his hair and smacks his head against the pavement. What a tough lass.

"I know exactly who you are, Captain Hook." She hisses. "Your head has quite a nice price, might I say."

He laughs at that, poor lass.

"Good for you. You bested me. I can count the amount of people who've done that on one hand." He spits the words with a smirk in his face.

"Is that supposed to be a joke?" she replies, she can feel the roll of her eyes-.

Wait, that voice is too familiar.

His gaze finally comes into focus.

And that's when he finally sees her.

"Emma" he whispers, his heart beating in a quick staccato in his chest as he raises his good hand to cup her face but she slaps it away, pinning his arms to the ground with an invisible force, probably her magic his bloody amazing princess, the dagger pressing harder against his throat, enough to draw blood.

"Who you really are?"

"You may know me by my more colorful moniker, but in another time you called me by my real name" he answers her with an smirk, and Killian can practically feel the wheels turning in her head.

She pulls off his hood to reveal his face.

She stills, her eyes so broken, her lips trembling.

And the dagger presses further into the skin.

"You are lying, you are a wizard!" She screams at him full of rage. "He is dead because of you! You killed him!"

Bloody hell, she is going to slice his throat.

"Emma, please, it's me." He answers, voice strangled. "Swan"

The dagger clatters beside his head, her hands are trembling as the first tears start to fall from her green eyes. She cups his cheeks, thumb running over the scar there, put there by herself when they were young and playing with swords.

"Killian." She whispers, voice broken, releasing her hold on him so he can sit up, but she keeps straddling his lap.

"Aye" he replies with the same tone, heart aching for so many days longing for her.

She is as beautiful as he remembers, her golden hair braided in a plaid braid, green eyes as bright as ever. She is a vision and for a moment he wonders if it isn't a dream.

He isn't exactly waiting for her to punch his arm like when they were kids.

"Oi, that hurts!" he says nursing his bruised arm.

"You deserved it for making me believe you were dead!"

"It wasn't my bloody fault!"

"Still!"

She hugs him then, catching him off guard, her face buried on his shoulder as her hands clutch into his leather coat like a life line. He sinks his hand in her soft hair, messing her braid. He nudges his nose into her neck, and inhales her deeply.

She still smells like lavender and cocoa and something that screams Emma.

For the first time in years he feels home again.

He feels whole.

"I missed you so much" she whispers into his shoulder, her breath on his neck making him shiver. "I thought you were dead"

"I missed you too, Emma" he whispers, hugging her closer to him. He feels like if he lets go of her she will disappear in the thin air because she is just a dream.

.

.

.

It's half an hour later when they finally reach his room at the inn. They hugged each other in silence, tears staining their clothes as they cried in silence thinking of how many days have passed, on how much they missed each other. But after a couple of drunk sailors stumbled into them and gave them some nasty looks they decided to keep their reunion in somewhere more private.

"You can take a seat if you want." He says, scratching behind his ear, feeling this nervous for the first time in years.

She just smiles at him, like she is laughing at an internal joke at his expenses, which probably she is.

She goes to the desk in front of the open wide window, her hand caressing the wormed wood and fidgeting with the maps and books scattered there.

He pulls the chair for her.

"Always the gentlemen." She says, smiling harder as she sits down, his hand barely brushing her shoulders where they are still resting on the back of her chair. He pulls it quickly away. "You haven't changed, don't you?"

His heart clenches at that, and he gives her a fake smile as he takes the chair in front of her.

And he realizes, that all that he has done was for nothing.

She is still a beacon of pure light, amazing, brilliant. Someone who shall rule someday the kingdoms with diligence and compassion. A long time ago, maybe he would have deserved to stand by her side. To take care of her. To love her.

But he is a pirate now. He has stolen and killed. There no trace of the honor and the goodness that was in his heart a long time ago.

Now he is rotten and he will never be enough.

"You might notice, your highness, that I'm not the same man who left port years ago." Killian replies as his fingers toy with the sharp end of his hook.

Her hand comes to tentatively wrap around his, her fingers intertwining with his.

"What happened, Killian?" she whispers.

"What do you know?"

"Just that your Captain was found dying by a fish boat not too far to where the Jewel had been seen." She takes a deep breath, getting ready for her next words. "They couldn't save him and his last words where a warming about one handed pirate that killed them all."

"I suppose that's the reason why you jumped my like that in the alleyway, isn't it, lass?" he says, without looking at her the eyes.

"They told me you were dead and they wanted me to keep going with my life like I've never knew you." She squeezes his hand, her eyes casted down. "But I just couldn't, I couldn't sit down and do nothing while I thought your murderer was free."

"Always the stubborn one." He replies with a little smile, his heart clenching painfully when he understands the lengths that she would have got to avenge him.

To avenge the man of honor she once knew.

Not the one handed pirate with a drinking problem that he is now.

He stands up, the legs of his chair scrapping the wooden floor.

"But you should have listened to them, Swan." He finally says, as he starts to reach for his flask of rum. "It should have been the smarter decision."

He cannot be sober for this conversation.

"And who gives you the right to say something like that?" She replies, angry. She has always been short tempered.

"Well, once upon a time I was your fiancé, the one who was supposed to rule beside you. I think that it gives me some kind of right to say on what you do, don't you think?"

The slap echoes through the room.

"What is wrong with you?" Emma screams.

It hurts so much, but he doesn't have another choice.

He spent years dreaming to see her face again and hear her call his name.

He was such a fool.

He cannot corrupt her the way he is.

"Well, firstly, I haven't had a proper lass in weeks, so unless you want to offer your services, I suggest that…"

She shoves him against the wall of the room, her arm coming to press against his throat, holding his hooked arm with her free hand, her face too close to his.

"Cut up the bullshit, Killian." She whispers harshly. "I know you well enough to understand that you are trying to push me away, but that's not happening buddy. I've spent so many years wishing you were alive, so don't ever think I would live so easily to let you drown in self depreciation and hate!"

He moves his leg so it makes her stumble.

"Good form, lass." He whispers, freeing his hook and graving her by the wrists as he presses her this time against the wall, reversing their positions. "But not good enough"

"You think so?" she replies with a challenging smirk.

She headbutts him and they fall into the floor, a mess of limbs and curses.

He feels the blood tickle as it falls from his nose, he hopes she didn't broke it because it hurts like a bitch, as they struggle in the floor, knees and elbows jabbing as they try to gain the upper hand.

Half of the room is a totally wreck when she finally gets to immobilize him, straddling his torso and holding his hand and hook over his head.

_Fuck. _

"And now, spill." She says angrily, and he feels a tear land on his cheek.

He doesn't have the willpower inside of him to hurt her anymore with lies.

"Our captain betrayed us!" he screams at her, furious with the world. "A demon that habited the bloody land we set course to retrieve a poison that you parents enemies were using against your soldiers to make an antidote promised him riches and eternal life if they killed us!"

"So you killed him first?"

"He stole and used for himself the bean we were supposed to use to come back." He replies. "The only thing I could do after he took everything away from me was to kill him. I don't expect you can forgive me."

"How did you get back?"

"We tried time and time again to steal some of the imp's magic, but he always fooled us and killed some of our man. I nearly gave up, nothing deserved so much blood shell, until he made a deal with me."

"What deal?" Emma asks and he feels her hold her breath.

"He would send us back to our realm if I gave him the most precious possession I've had."

"And what was that?"

"The last memento I had of the time I've spent with my brother for seeing you again."

There is a long pause, her eyes scanning his face for a lie and her hands come to cup his cheek.

"You traded the Jewel for me?" she whispers slowly.

"Aye" he replies, feeling braver that he's been in years. "You must know, Emma… what I wrote in that last letter… I still feel the same way."

"Good"

She leans in, her hands resting on his chest.

He gasps at the touch, his cheeks flushing and he feels like a teenager with his first crush.

But well, she is his first crush.

He looks into his emerald eyes shining in the moonlight, her hands slid down to curl around his shoulders, short nails digging in his skin through his coat.

He could pull away.

He should pull away.

But he leans in and he knows he isn't going to regret this, ever.

At first they barely move. It's just the press of lips against lips, his hand tracing the contour of her spine, as her hands treats through his hair.

He sighs against her lips, and she smiles.

They pull away when the need to breath is too urgent, tentative smiles gracing their lips.

"That was…"

"The first of many"

He kisses her again and they both lost control.

She sinks her teeth into his lower lip, tongue coming to soothe the pain a second later, as her hands start to travel from where they are perched over his beating heart to his neck, thumbs caressing the sensitive skin there to move to his shoulders and start to push his coat away.

He sits down for a moment just enough to let his leather coat fall to the ground with a soft thud.

Her hands start to unfasten the buttons of his vests just stopping to nip and suck at his neck.

"Emma, please stop." He says, voices strangled with a moan, as he pushes her slightly away, creating the more than need distance.

"What?" she asks, out of breath.

"I don't deserve you." He whispers, incapable of looking at her in the eye. "I've stolen, I've killed. I'm not a good man, Emma. I don't deserve forgiveness."

Emma's hands come to cup his cheeks.

"Killian, in all these years I've been searching for a justice that now I realize I could have never would have been able to found, I've killed people, bad people who didn't deserve any better treatment, but they were people, after all." she whispers, searching something in his face. "Do you think I'm a horrible person for that?"

"Bloody hell, no." he answers back.

"Did you kill innocent people? Did you stole from the poor? Did you take woman against your will?"

He shakes his head, words leaving his mouth.

"Then there is nothing to be forgiven in the first place." She whispers, pressing her forehead against his, as her hands start to travel lower.

"Now, where we were?" she says with a playful smile.

A throaty moan escapes him and he can't keep his hands quiet anymore. He starts to tug at her shirt to free it from her pants but he loses patience soon.

He brings his hook to the cleavage of her shirt and with a rip it falls shattered into the wooden floor, leaving her bare before him.

She pulls away from her ministrations to examine her new state of undress.

"Well, how I am now supposed to leave this room?" She says with a nervous giggle.

It hurts a little.

He presses a kiss to her forehead. Her eyelids. Her cheek.

"I could lend you one of my shirts." Her nose. "Or you could always stay."

He feels more than sees her take a deep breath and then her lips are attacking his again.

She pulls away just a second to toy away her boots, and he rolls them until he is on top of her, her breast pressed against his chest, her legs coming around his waist.

"Even if I choose to stay" she finally answers between deep breaths, forehead resting against his. "I wouldn't be opposed to wear your shirts."

She kisses him again, tongue tangling up in his in a deep kiss.

"Make love to me, Killian." She whispers against his lips.

"As you wish, Emma"

He is true to his word.

Multiple times.

.

.

.

He wakes up with a very naked princess resting on her stomach in the tiny bunk on his room, at some point having make their way up to the bed, the sheets having slid down her body until it barely covers her bottom.

The last time they woke up like that they were still kids, having fallen sleep on his little cot

The first rays of sun kiss her skin showing him the scars that mark her skin.

With his good hand he traces them, wondering how she got them, who was the bastard who dared to hurt her.

And how he is not letting anyone touch her in such way anymore if she lets him.

He presses a chaste kiss between her shoulder blades, where a nasty scar starts, and she seems to rouse in her sleep.

She rolls onto her back, facing him from his position over her and she gives him a content smile.

She doesn't bother on covering her chest, exposing her breast to him, but who is he to complain.

"Good morning" she whispers, hands coming up to cup his cheeks, as she pulls him down to press a sweet and long kiss to his mouth.

He hums against her lips, feeling the most relaxed and happy that he has been in years.

They pull apart, his nose nudging hers like he had wanted to do so many times in all the time he knew her.

"Good morning" he answers back, pressing a last kiss at the corners of her mouth.

They stay in silence for a long time, just kissing, hands exploring and savoring the moment in the most innocent way that their naked bodies let them.

"What are we going to do now?" He asks her, pressing a kiss to the underside of her jaw (he discovered last night that she has several tickling spots that makes her giggle and he is going to use that information on his profit as long as he can)

"We could come back to the castle, tell my parents the good news and keep living like we did before all happened" she answers without hesitation, her fingers sinking into the nape of his neck, her nails gently scrapping his scalp "or, we could go on a little adventure on our own?"

"Where?"

"Wherever we want" she replies with a smile and he has the need to kiss her, so he does.

"Show me the world, Jones" she mutters between kisses.

"As you wish"

…

She is twenty and she did really forgot how tiring and boring is life at court.

After several months traveling around the world looking for adventures they've finally returned to their kingdom to rest for a while.

Her parents granted him pardon without a second of hesitation after he told them his journey back to her. Still, there are some people, members of the court and some other royals who disapprove that their engagement wasn't broken the moment he set a foot on the castle.

He is stills insecure about himself, and she is worried that someday he would truly believe he isn't enough for her and leave her.

So they fight about it. Usually after a ball or something like that, when all those who tried to gain her hand on marriage and failed, she could not ever be married to someone who wasn't him, she realized a long time ago, look at them over their shoulders and mock them.

They have to leave earlier, or else someone would end with a donkey tail or something worst.

So they argue. He tells her how he will never be enough, how she should dump him and marry someone else, someone with a title a without blood in his hands. She asks him if he would leave her if she didn't, if the pressure would be someday too strong to take and he would leave with nothing but a goodbye.

Killian tells her the only reason he would leave her is if she ever asked him to.

She tells her he would never ask him and shuts him up with a kiss.

He spend those nights in her bedroom, usually having to leave before dawn, with his clothes hastily put as she laughs at him.

So that's the reason why they found themselves running away from the son of the duchess of the north, hiding themselves on one of the most abandoned rooms on the castle, where they used to play when they were kids, ignoring her parents and Liam's warnings.

She laughs as he closes the door before them.

"Oh God," she says stifling her laugh with her hands. "I swear if I had to hear one time more to that Mister Stick-Up-In-His-Arse talk about how rich is his family I would have jumped right out of the window."

"Right there with you, love" Killian replies with happiness in his voice as he takes her hand and spins her until she falls into his arms, his bourbon dress flowing around her legs. "I think I know better the number of properties of that family than their personal accountant."

She rests her head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heart, a fast beast, and inhaling the smell of soap and salt of his clothes.

It's been a hard task for both of them to get back to use the stiff and puffy clothes that are required in court, it has taken a lot of insistence from her parents for them to surrender in that sense. Still, they have reached an agreement to only wear them when there are visits in the castle, the rest of the time they can wear the leather and light fabric they have grown used to in the last years spent away from their home.

"Did you see his face when I told him that I wasn't feeling well and therefore you should escort me towards my bedchamber and kept me company until I'd feel well? I thought he was going to call the guards onto you."

"Aye, Swan." He says, his lips pressing a light kiss on her hair. "As I haven't spent most part of the nights on your bed…"

She pulls away just enough to look him in the eyes and see the mischievous glint in them.

"Killian Jones, I swear that if you end that sentence…"

The smile on his face just widens.

"Or _on_ you."

She fakes offense and slaps him on the chest as she pulls completely away from him.

"And I thought you were a gentleman." She mocks him as she walks away from him making her way to the dusty wood desk in front of the window that lets the afternoon sun bathe the room in its warm light.

She cleans the dust away with an old clothe thrown over some old furniture stored at the room so her dress doesn't get dirty.

God's helps her if her mother sees that one of her favorite dresses (she gave it to her when they made their return after so many years) gets stained or dirty for marauding around the oldest rooms of the castle.

She scolded her enough for that same reason when they were kids.

"Love, I'm always a gentleman." He replies, coming behind her, his arms coming to wrap around her middle. She leans into his chest, angling her head so she can press a kiss against his lips, but he frozes, his attention going elsewhere. "What is that?"

She turns her gaze and she laughs out loud.

"Killian Jones stinks" it's engraved on the wood.

"Oh God" she snorts and she can't stop the laugh that comes as the memories come to her. "I remember writing that."

"Care to explain?"

"It was, God, it was a long time ago." She says her voice growing quiet. The smell of the dust and the tears in her eyes still fresh in her mind. "It was from when my mother told us we were going to get married. I was angry at everyone, so I ran here to hide away from everyone. I cried a lot that day. I remember I stole a knife from the kitchens so I could engrave that."

He grows silent beside her, his grip on his hips inexistent and cold, and she can practically feel the start of an argument.

So she has to tell him one of her most guarded secrets.

"You know? My mother explained me a few years ago why she decided that we should get married." She says with a faint smile, incapable of turning ago and looking at his eyes. "It was the same night they decided to stop searching for you and your crew. I guess it was to someway apologize for everything that was happening. Thought it wasn't her fault."

"And what did she told you?"

"She said that, when I was a baby, a seer visited my parents. She told them that she came bearing gifts for the royal baby, and that was a prediction of her finding her true love and having a happily ever after that others never get the chance to taste.

"When the golden princess is still naïve, and her heart is pure as snow, she will meet a boy." She starts to recite the prophecy, one she has time and time again repeated in her head, thinking it was just blatant lies of a mad old woman who wanted the favor of the Queen. "She will meet a boy, with the sea in his eyes and honor on his heart, that will not let even dead will make them apart, and he will bring the most brilliant light on her heart.

"It's not a happy story, they will cry and be apart, they would hate each other and wish they would never meet. But those whose destinies are forever intertwined will fight with all their hearts to be together, once they realize that there is no life without their others half."

The room grows quitter, the only sound being the laughs and screams of the kids of the service playing on the castle gardens.

His hand comes to wrap around hers, his stump drawing soothing circles on her hip.

"And your mother thought it was me?" he whispers against her neck, making a shiver run through her spine.

She nods.

"She told me that when we first meet, she practically felt the room shift and she believed that if we were destined to married since we were little maybe we could skip the heartbreaking part." Emma tells him, leaning her head against his chest and closing her eyes. "At first she thought that maybe she had made a mistake, we couldn't get along. But then we fell from that tree and I saved us with magic and…"

Her words are muted by him spinning her to face him and pressing a passionate kiss against her lips. His hand comes to cup her check as her handless arm presses her against him. Without a second of doubt, her arms come to wrap around his neck as her teeth nips at his lips.

She doesn't know how she ends up sitting on the desk with him nestled between her legs.

"Do you believe in it?"

"What? " She asks, lust clouding her thoughts.

"Do you believe I am…" He takes a deep breath, his nose brushing against her. "Do you believe I am that man?"

She cups his checks with her hands and smiles.

"I believe, no, I know," she says, pressing her lips softly against his check, his eyelids." That even if it took me so many years to understand it, I always knew, someway, deep in my heart, that it could pass a thousand years," his nose, his chin. "And I'll still be unable to love another man that wasn't you."

There is a stillness in the room at he looks at her, the little sunlight that streams through the window makes his blue eyes shine even brighter, and she feels like she has lost herself on them.

She's pull out from her thoughts when there is a sharp knock at the door.

"Princess? Are you there?" she hears the voice of the pompous duchess' son strikes again. "I went to your bedchamber to give you a medicinal tea that's been passed through generations in our family and that it truly has medical properties! But when I reached your room you weren't there I thought the worst and…"

She intentionally ignores the rest of the speech that comes from the door and gets on her feet to start to make her way out of the door, trying to dust away the dirt on her dress as she walks.

"Well, Jones, I think that we've been caught up…"

He cuts her words pressing his lips against hers in a tender loving kiss, his hand coming to caress her check.

It's not that long, but it's enough to leave her out of breath.

"I love you too." He whispers, pulling away, just enough to look her in the eye. A tentative smile curves around his lips, like hers, and she actual feels butterflies on her stomach.

It's not like she didn't know that, the looks, the touches, the words of endearment, for god's sake, he traded his ship to come back to her, had always been a big clue for her, she has only seen them when she looks at her parents, the little smiles they give each other, the looks that linger for hours like they are the only ones in the room.

But hearing him actually say it, it takes a great lift from her shoulders and she feels like she can properly breathe after all these years.

She grabs him by the collar of his shirt, and pulls him to her until they are pressed head to toe against the stone wall.

It's not until fifteen minutes later when they leave the room that they realize the insufferable man has finally leaved them alone.

For the looks he gives them during dinner, or better said, the lack of them and his flustered expression, she suspect that he probably left when he heard the first moan before she casted the cloaking spell.

She is not sorry at all.


End file.
